Looking back at 2014, the year I lost myself

Just a few more nights, it's hello 2015 for me.

This 2014 has been such a year for me. Not only did my family have to face so much, but even my school came to such notice of my behavior lately. But it doesn't stop there.

It all started from having troubles at home when my dad lost his job because he was questioned about his other business, and then my dad's business also went to  the soils. Our only income was my mom's. We had a hard time budgeting everything, paying fees monthly like electric bills, water bills, cable. Of course we also include food, allowances and my grandmother who's not with us but also counts on my mom's support because my mom's the eldest among them 3 siblings. And other things needed payment, it was all out my mom's pocket.



So school followed. Because I was so upset with our way of living, I got depressed so much that I started to have vices. Vices i regret having now (I'm not on drugs, just alcohol and cigarettes). The school found out about it and was concern about it that we might smear the good name of the school although we of course wouldn't do that. Thus my scholarship is on the line.
I missed most of my class because I just couldn't wake up early like before even though I slept early enough for an 8-9hrs of sleep. My school is an hour and a half away from my house so I have to really live early which I struggled the most that my eating got affected. I don't intake breakfast anymore due to lack of time.

It still doesn't stop at family and school, social life. What every teenage kid struggle the most. And according to research, social issues is at top of some reasons why teens commit suicide.
I lost my best friend during the mid-summer of 2014 when she and her boyfriend (who happens to be my ex's best friend, mine as well) decided that family cannot separate them anymore so they hid. She didn't go to school anymore, didn't contact me or what. Just complete nothing. Not even a goodbye.
When school season began, that's when me and my boyfriend for 3 years broke up. It was hard, I carried the pain maybe up until  December. You could just imagine loosing the only people you trust outside your family. It felt so empty.

I can't eat properly anymore, I can't find time to rest at home, I didn't know where to find extra money for my school needs, I couldn't trust anyone at school, I don't have someone to share my feelings with. I didn't want my mom to know because I'll only add to her problems. I didn't want her to worry about me anymore. I didn't want my new group of friends to know my situation because I didn't want them to think that I'm a big mess. I didn't want her to worry about me anymore. I completely lost everything.

That's when New year came, hello 2015.
My mom had an offer to supply products at Japan. Dad had a job offer at a local company. I finally told my friends what I was going through and they understood and accepted me for what I was. (I had issues before regarding friends, they left me for small reasons.)

I won't forget 2014 but I'm hoping it won't happen again. I just might loose it. I'm just thankful to my friends (UPT) for being there and for helping me stand up. I'm going to find and reinvent the Nikki that I was. I will never loose myself again. I will be stronger and fiercer. Look onto God and not forget that He is there always.

Peace out!

-natc <3